You know you're attending an Electronic Church if...... - The pastor reads his sermon from a palm-held computer "notepad" - There are cell-phone chargers next...
Church Attendance The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown to...
Here is an ode to middle class materialism. Just in time for "back to school" shopping. The Shopper's Prayer Armani Which Art in Hermes Hallowed be thy Gucci ...
Bad Commencement Advice..... 14. "*Never* take the DA's first offer." 13. "As you endeavor to make your mark in the world, remember this passage from 'Mein...
Right Question A couple I know is pregnant with their fourth child. When they were in getting an ultrasound, the nurse asked if they wanted to know what the...
Senior Discount Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, " the...
Health Crisis Old Man Dean, a miser and womanizer of some renown in the community, at last suffered a health crisis and was rushed to hospital late one ...
How Many? This is why we trail so many countries in math and geography. I was sitting in a cafeteria recently, next to a woman who was engrossed in her...
Bulletin blunders Comical typos can have church staff begging forgiveness By Heather Horiuchi Religion News Service Portage, Mich. (RNS)—It has long been...
Twin Cities? A little girl from Minneapolis came home from Sunday school with a frown on her face. "I'm not going back there anymore," she announced with...
No Excuse On the church newsletter were these instructions - Hold this paper close to your nose and breath deeply. If the sheet turns green, you need to see a...
Symphony in F Feeling footloose and frisky, a featherbrained fellow forced his father to fork over his farthings. Fast he flew to foreign fields and frittered...
REASONS I STOPPED ATTENDING REASONS I STOPPED ATTENDING FOOTBALL GAMES/Church 1. Every time I went, they asked me for money. 2. The people sitting next to me...
Children's Notes Dear God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to...
CRAZY LANGUAGE Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a...
Celebrity Obit Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral...
Benefits of Tithing Two men off for a sailing trip around the world are shipwrecked. The minute they got on to the island one of them started screaming and ...
Bizarre Last Words Ludwig Van Beethoven, 1827: "I shall hear in heaven." By the time of his death, Beethoven was completely deaf. Andrew Bradford, the...
The Perfect Pastor: 1. Preaches exactly 20 minutes and follows it with an invitation in which everyone is convicted but no one is offended. 2. Works from 7:00...
The Master's Card By now you should have seen the catchy television commercials for Mastercard. They start by identifying some things that people can buy with...
Ten Reasons Why I Don't Wash 1) I was forced to wash as a child. 2) People who wash are hypocrites- they think they're cleaner than others. 3) There are so...
Food Spoilage Test FINALLY, a way to know what to throw-out and what to save! THE GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from ...
Wanna Go to Heaven? "Now, how many of you would like to go to heaven?" asked the Sunday school teacher. All the eager four-year-olds raised their hands except...
Wanna Go to Heaven? "Now, how many of you would like to go to heaven?" asked the Sunday school teacher. All the eager four-year-olds raised their hands except...
Murphy's Church Laws Vol. I Film projectors always work before the class meeting begins. The probability of the preacher tripping over the mike cord is greater...
Attending the Resurrection? A very zealous soul-winning young preacher came upon a farmer Mending a fence along the roadside. Being concerned about the ...
Burried Who? My parents were rather religious, and at one point in time they purchased a statue of the Virgin Mary to place in a flower garden in their yard....
Ice Cream Sundae? Libby said her three year old daughter's restaurant meal came with a sundae. Of course, all daughter knows is "ice cream". When the waitress...
In Heaven? It is not always easy to say the right thing on the spur of the moment. We can sympathize with the chap who met an old friend after many years. "How...
Of Offering Plates The church I serve has a summer ministry at a chapel. At our first service last summer, the chairman of the board of deasons met me at the ...
